The Final Battle
by R.E. Ravenclaw
Summary: This is what happens when two cousins get hyper and bored: Gangsta Harry and Voldemort...and much more randomness and fightingarguingeyepoking to be found! Yay! Randomness and fightingarguingeyepoking!


**The Final Battle**  
**Written by**: Nonni426 (Duh) in partnership with Mrs. C. N. Riddle, her wonderful cousin who actually has some punctuation and capitalization skills.  
**Summary**: This is what happens when two cousins get hyper and bored: Gangsta Harry and Voldemort...and much more randomness (and fighting/arguing/eye poking) to be found! Yay! Randomness (and fighting/arguing/eye poking)!  
**Disclaimer**: If we owned Harry Potter this story would not be here for your reading pleasure. And that would definatly be your loss! But JK Rowling owns Harry Potter and many of us could only dream of achieving such a level of honor and greatness (Mrs. C. N. Riddle would just want to be in JK Rowlings place for the money...heck with the inspiring future writers thing!) (Nonni426 thinks that Mrs. C. N. Riddle is insane:-D mwahahahahahaha! and Mrs. C. N. Riddle agrees.)

* * *

Its 12 o'clock at night and Harry is sitting by the fire when the fire call alert goes off. He sighs and gets up to answer it and gets a shock when he sees Lord Voldemort's face in the fire.

Voldemort: Yo wat up dawg!  
Harry: Hey Homes! Wats shakin!  
Voldemort: Nuttin much dude just plottin ur demise  
Harry: Dats cold dawg, dats cold  
Voldemort: Yo dawg I aint got much time juss wanted to let ya know dat da Final Battle, da Big Showdown will be takin place at 3.259 miles away from Hogsmeade in the southeast direction. Ya know... by dat cute lil flower shop that ties those lil bows round them flowers fo ya? They got some bad ass roses dawg!  
Harry: I'll be thur! If only to bust a cap up ur ass I'll be thur!  
Voldemort: And you said i was cold... ddaaaaammmmnnnnnnn... (Voldemort fades from the fire)

* * *

Harry apparates to the headquaters of the Order of the Phoenix to inform them of the news.

Harry: I wish I were an Oscar Myer weeiiineeerrrrrr...(Harry's singing is interupted by Kingsley who is giving him a very weird look)  
Kingsley: What da HELL is wrong wit you dawg!  
Harry: Can't a man bust a rhyme round here? Damn foo. I came to tell you that Moldy-Shorts fire called me.  
Kingsley: Wat dat foo have to say?  
Harry: Nuttin much except for the location of the Final Battle that is to take place tomorow at noon... got some hot dawgs man?  
Ginny: Hot dawgs are ova there Harry  
Kinsley: Shut yo mouth Ginny you biznatch! Noon! What the f&#$!  
Mrs. Weasley: Watch your f&#$ing mouth around the f&#$ing children you son of a monkey bitch!  
Kingsley: Yes'm  
Harry: So chyeaaahhhh... the location will be 3.259 miles to the southeast of Hogsmeade next to the flower shop wit the bad ass roses. Be thur dawg. I'ma bust a cap up his ass.

* * *

Next to the flower shop wit the bad ass roses.

Voldemort: Wheeerrreee aaaaarrreeeeee theeeeeyyyyyyyy! (shifts from one foot to the other and back)  
Bellatrix: Dont be so damn impatient  
Voldemort: CRUCIO!  
Bellatrix: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!  
Voldemort: Dats the last time anyone tells me what to do! Shiiizzzz i need a smoke!  
(Harry and the rest of the Order apparate)  
Voldemort: FINALLY!  
Harry: Hey I needed to use the bathroom!  
Voldemort: It dont take 20 mins motha f&#$er!  
Harry:I had cheese!  
Voldemort: Oh.  
Harry: CHHHAAARRRRGGGGEEEEEEEEE!  
Voldemort: CHHHAAARRRRGGGGEEEEEEEEE!  
(Harry and Voldemort come face to face. Harry pokes his wand into Voldemorts eye)  
Voldemort: Yo biznatch! What the hell was that fo! Who in their rite mind dares poke Lord Voldemort in the eye!  
Harry: Oooohhhhhhh dawg you just got SERVED! (dances around Voldemort poking him with his wand every once in a while)  
Voldemort: But but you h-hurt my f-feelings. You make me feel unloved, neglected, abandoned, and FAT! (drops to the ground cryin)  
(Harry falls to the ground laughing cuz there is nothing else for him to say. Voldemort is CRYIN. Swweeeeetttttt.)  
(Mrs. C. N. Riddle suddenly whacks Nonni426 in the head for insensitive behavior towards the great Dark Lord and yells "How would you feel if you got poked in the eye by a wand!")  
(Nonni426 yells "You tell me" back at Mrs. C. N. Riddle and pokes her in the eyes with her super cool WOODEN wand and mutters "biznatch" under her breath)  
(Mrs. C. N. Riddle screams "What the hell! That was my eye whore! Gawd this frickin hurts! (starts to cry) I want my mommy!)  
(Nonni426 laughs her ass off at Mrs. C. N. Riddles obvious discomfort and decided to poke her again.:pokes Mrs. C. N. Riddle:)  
(Mrs. C. N. Riddle yells "I'm telling your mom! You gonna get in trouble! But first...:Mrs. C. N. Riddle runs to Nonni426's room and grabs her perfect, wonderful replica of the great Lord Voldemort's wand (as seen in the movie Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) and pokes her in the eye: Now we're even and can get back to the story!")  
(We're terribly sorry for the interuption in the story. Those responsible for the interuption have been sacked. But in case you were wondering the turn out of the events here goes. Nonni426 crys cuz her eye is no longer in the socket and there for puts duct tape on Mrs. C. N. Riddles mouth ties her up and stuffs her in the cubboard under the stairs. Then she goes for a walk while eating corn on the cob. But Nonni426 forgets that Mrs. C. N. Riddle knows how to get duct tape off her mouth and she also forgets that Mrs. C. N. Riddle has an extremely big mouth, so when she gets back from her walk and corn on the cob eatting she finds the cops waiting for an explanation cuz the neighbors had heard Mrs. C. N. Riddle's extremely big mouth screaming...or not. Mrs. C. N. Riddle forgets (too much forgetting being done... we need a Remebrall) that Nonni426 is a witch and put a Silencing Charm on the house as well as Unplottableness therefore when the cops show up cuz Nonni426 littered in the neighbors yard by throwing the corn on the cob (hey i thought the fat pig might like it) she blames Mrs. C. N. Riddle for it while Mrs. C. N. Riddle tells of her being bound and gagged so both former writers are sitting in a cell. Back to the story)  
Voldemort:grabs his nearby wand and jabs it in Harry's eye: Now how does that feel dawg!  
Harry: That was my fake eye moron! Can't you tell I haven't blinked with it in the past twenty mins as the authors have been fightin!  
Voldemort: Dammit! My plans never go rite! WTF! I feel so neglected! Everyone hates me...I'm so misunderstood!...Wait where did you get a fake eye?  
Harry:the last comment goes unheard: Aww some one needs a hug :huggles: credit goes to Mrs. C. N. Riddle for the retarded wording  
(Mrs. C. N. Riddle whacks Nonni426 again "Gawd Nonni426 why must you be so mean...I'm so misunderstood!)  
Voldemort: Get the hell off me you perv! I don't swing that way you freak!  
(Hold up when did they stop speaking gangsta...Mrs. C. N. Riddle wonders aloud)  
Harry: I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!  
Voldemort:stares blankly and slowly backs away:  
Harry:charges at the love of his life and gives him a wet one rite on the lips:  
Voldemort: AHHHHHHHH! Potter cooties! Get him off, get him off! The lovingness it burns! I'm melting!  
Harry:stares in satisfaction as his plan worked. Voldemort was nothing more that a pile of robes after Harry's love had vanquished him. Mwahahahahaha good ALWAYS wins:  
:Mrs. C. N. Riddle whacks Nonni426 again "What the frick! Not in my lovely sequel it won't...or will it Muhahahahaha! (the sequel to Life is So Unfair will be coming to a FanFiction near you...if you haven't read it, read it NOW:  
(Nonni426 reminds Mrs. C. N. Riddle that evil only wins in her stories cuz she's crazy enough to think she IS Lord Voldemort. now that doesnt sound very Over-Lord-ish to me...it sounds like she needs a straight jacket and a padded cell. Well anyways I'll be singing follow the yellow brick road now)  
(Mrs. C. N. Riddle whacks Nonni426 cuz of her annoying singing..."Now I don't think I'm Lord Voldemort...read the name...I'm married to Voldemort that's all...well unless we look at my dream last nite which involved me being...Snape's :shudders: lover...and having three kids with him...AND NO NONNI426 I DO NOT HAVE SECRET DESIRES FOR SNAPE...you see if I go through Snape then I can get to Voldemort...yeah that's what that was about...I was only using Snape to get to Voldemort...see my clever ways! Muhahahahaha!)  
(Nonni426 reminds Mrs. C. N. Riddle that they are FICTIONAL CHARECTERS! Ok who thinks I have a chance with Daniel Radcliffe? Anybody? Anybody)  
(Nonni426, you have about as much chance with Daniel Radcliffe as I do with Christen Coulson :starts to drool: he's so hot! why, oh why must he be twice my age...WHY)

Anyway Harry lives happily ever after with Voldemort gone (Mrs. C. N. Riddle starts to cry after the loss of her "husband" and Nonni426 celebrates by signing Bubba Sparxxx's Miss New Booty...why...I have no clue) The Wizarding World is now saved and now have a tendency to break into a rousing chorus of "Celebrate Good Times"...Frankly it's quite scary, really.And what about our author's...they lived in holy matr...Hold on that's insest and lesbianism (not that there's anything wrong with that)...so instead Mrs. C. N. Riddle lived in sadness and begin writting her sequel so she could have the story go her way without Nonni426 interferring! And Nonni426 lived in happiness cuz the story ended how she wanted it to cuz she's stubborn and always gets her way...Biznatch!  
(Somebody please save me from this maddness! Nonni426 is getting outta control and is trying to presently trying steal my memories! Nonni426 pipes in after she has bound and gagged Mrs. C. N. Riddle and says  
"Have a great day (Mrs. C. N. Riddle actually wants you to have a bad day though and is currently pouting) Thanks for reading and please review!")


End file.
